How are you? It is the most asked question on earth. And the most dishonestly answered.
Not because people are liars. Because most of us genuinely do not know. We reach for 'fine,' 'good,' 'tired,' 'busy.' Not because those words describe what we feel, but because they are the fastest way to close the question and move on.
The vocabulary problem
Most adults operate with an emotional vocabulary of about five to ten words: happy, sad, angry, anxious, stressed, tired, fine, okay. That is like trying to describe a sunset with only 'light' and 'dark.'
The reality is infinitely more textured. There is the specific melancholy of a Sunday evening. The buzz of creative energy that is half excitement and half fear. The irritation that is actually hurt. The numbness that is actually grief. The restlessness that is actually longing for something you cannot name.
Naming what you feel is the first step to not being run by it. But most of us were never taught the names.
Why this matters
When you cannot name what you feel, you cannot understand it. And when you cannot understand it, it runs you. It shows up as unexplained anxiety, snapping at people you love, or that vague sense that something is off but you cannot put your finger on it.
Emotional literacy is not a luxury. It is the foundation of every meaningful relationship you will ever have, starting with the one you have with yourself.
A different answer
Next time someone asks how you are, try pausing for three seconds before answering. Not to craft a performance. Just to actually check. What is the honest answer? You might be surprised.
You do not have to share it with them. But knowing it yourself: that is where everything starts.